This week

Hi to anyone reading this. I hope life isn’t giving you too much grief at the moment. If it is, give it the middle finger and tell it to fuck off. Go do something that makes you happy. If that’ something like eating a chocolate bar, catching up on love island, going for a walk or having a massive spending spree just do it. Treat yo self gurl!

Anyways. I have been feeling a little down. Well not down and depressed more just anxious. It’s a month until my next check up and I am really hoping this is the last one. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I do try to distract myself but the though just crawls back into my mind, makes itself comfy and refuses the leave.

I’ve also been surrounded by the conversation of cancer a lot recently. I know a few people who have either been recently diagnosed, going through treatment or have sadly lost the fight and passed away from it. Depending on my mindset at the time I can get quite upset about it.

I really do try to not let it affect me. I really do. But the thoughts can be so powerful and overwhelming. It’s sometimes just easier to let them take over whilst I surrender crying into my pillow at night. It’s less exhausting.

I was reminded the other day that I have always been independent, head strong and out going. Equally I was reminded I am not superwoman. I am not a robot. I have feelings like everyone else. My mental health is never what it used to be and I don’t think will ever be what it used to. I was so strong and could fight of the toxic thoughts. I miss the old me. I miss being truly happy.

Don’t get me wrong I am happy. I’ve done so much in the last year and should be mega proud of myself. But the toxic thoughts cloud my vision. Naturally, for me, I will always think I could have done better in anything I do. There’s always something.

Recently I’ve asked myself “what’s the best thing that’s happened to you this week?” It helps with the intrusive thoughts. For a little while I can focus on the positives, even if they’ve come from a negative situation. I can smile to myself like a right goon and just feel happy. Sometimes it brings me peace.

So, what is the best thing that’s happened to you this week?

Feel free to leave a comment with your answer

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